Malty

Lemon drops makes her wise

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:30:46 -0800

Mom: In high school you were so ready for it to be over. That’s how you are. You want something and you want it now.
Me: so? I’m driven.
Mom: but you don’t enjoy the drive to get there.

"Well, this is not a boat accident!"

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:14:00 -0800

“Well, this is not a boat accident!”

- Hooper: JAWS

I would like this to be quoted at my funeral

I’m a drunk eater. Its terrible but true. I will be...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:34:23 -0800

I’m a drunk eater. Its terrible but true. I will be healthy all day long but once I had a couple shots of whiskey and a couple beers, and the next thing I know, I’m waking up in a sea of tacobell wrappers.

NOT ANY MORE! I’ve been in LOVE with Wholly Guacamole 100 calorie packs. I scarf them down and wake up not feel like something like took a shit and died. Seriously, its so tasty… drunk and sober.

googly eye stamp, I love you so

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:16:34 -0800

googly eye stamp, I love you so

o_O weird mouse face

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:15:00 -0800

o_O weird mouse face

My post-it note confession

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:06:11 -0800

My post-it note confession

Hey Hangover

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:04:53 -0800

I gave you water and advil and you still proceed to hurt my head and insides. You have left me no choice then to smoother you with triple soy lattes and cheddar bagles.

I’m a sucker for big hair

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:32:00 -0800

I’m a sucker for big hair

"If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:23:55 -0800

“If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”

- fight club

three50eight: coffee!

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:21:19 -0800

three50eight:

coffee!

My tights are not fitting me correctly and I feel like I’m...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:17:00 -0800

My tights are not fitting me correctly and I feel like I’m five, with the crotch of the tights working its way down to my knees and now I’m walking like a pengiun. not a cute pengiun either

I didn’t bring him to share

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:25:31 -0800

I have a friend who is a ho. Scratch that, she’s not my friend. She is just a girl who I know through people who hangs out with us far too much, which is weird because we never call her, she just shows up. Well this chick sleeps with anything that will have her and for those who don’t want her, she gets them wasted, tells them about her lack of gag reflex and BAM they go home with her.

Chick and I just got into a fight recently about why I don’t bring my ‘boys’ around for her to meet. 1. gross 2. fear they will get something from her 3. boys are NOT a pot luck. I do not bring them places to share with others and if I do bring them around, treat them like an amazing pair of shoes: compliment me on them, say you wished you had some like that and move on.

Hey country song that I’m being forced to listen to by my coworker… No girl has ever taught a...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:34:17 -0800

Hey country song that I’m being forced to listen to by my coworker…

No girl has ever taught a tracker was sexy.

ugh

holy moses, eggnog lattes are back…. and so is my fat ass

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:56:27 -0800

holy moses, eggnog lattes are back…. and so is my fat ass

yes.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:23:58 -0800

yes.

Jubelale, you are one of my favorite parts about winter Brewed...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:21:17 -0800

Jubelale, you are one of my favorite parts about winter

Brewed by:
Deschutes Brewery
Oregon, United States

Style: Winter Warmer
ABV: 6.70% ABV

drunk love

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:28:20 -0800

My mother told me she loved me this weekend. I believed her because she was drunk. Wait, maybe I was drunk. no no no, WE were drunk and drunk love between a mother and a daughter is a bond that nothing can break… until we sober up.

My mask and I survived halloween. Since I couldn’t drink...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:14:06 -0800

My mask and I survived halloween.

Since I couldn’t drink with the mask on I end up ditching it and my costume ended up being ‘girl who drinks at party’… also known as my life story.

crackhead clean

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:01:07 -0800

Finally cleaning my gross gross kitchen. found a bag of brown sugar that was hard as a rock. since i have never purchased brown sugar, that makes this bag two years plus… gross

"You can come as long as you don’t piss off mom. You always piss off mom"

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:31:43 -0700

“You can come as long as you don’t piss off mom. You always piss off mom”

- Brother.

In my defense, she pisses me off first